Why popularity is bad

While the initial appeal of being popular never quite loses its glow, placing a person atop a pedestal ultimately gives that individual a longer ways to fall, increasing the lasting force of impact. It makes us human, but it can also lead to self-destructive patterns and skew our ability to create a life we can be proud of.

Possessing a believed superiority made me self-centered and unapologetically ruthless. It took years to acknowledge the damage I had done to others, as well as myself.

No pre-teen deserves or is entitled to be a reigning dictator, nor will this benefit them in the end. It took a few unforgivable, muttered comments and unjustified, insensitive remarks towards others to understand how powerful words can be. Being popular was extremely lonely. My phone rang often, and making friends was generally easier for me at first.

I did not have to be overly nice or wear an outrageous outfit to get attention. It was just handed to me. Although it had been engrained into my head that nothing great in life would be simply handed to me, this warning never outweighed the high of being popular. I should have known then, but we rarely understand or are able to grapple with these kinds of things until it is far too late.

This is a big concern, because it means that we may care about popularity a lot more than we should. But those may not be such good ideas, because research also has looked at what happens to the most popular people when they grow up, and the results are a little surprising.

It turns out that there are two different kinds of popularity. One type is based on how many people know of us, are influenced by us, and wish they were us. For instance, in one study, researchers followed teens for over a decade after high school.

The kids who had the highest status grew up more likely to suffer from relationship problems, addictions, anxiety, and depression. Interviews with formerly popular teens reveal that they remain fixated on popularity long after high school is over.

Those who were less popular in high school fared much better in the long term, especially if they were highly likable. Likability is the second form of popularity psychologists have identified, and it reflects how much people genuinely want to spend time with us, connect with us, and think we are kind, friendly, and trustworthy.

Those most likable as teens grow up to have better quality relationships with friends and romantic partners. Some kids have warm or charismatic personalities that others are naturally drawn too.

Some kids are fortunate to be popular and have the desire and ability to develop supportive, sincere friendships. The bottom line? When considering friendships as a gauge of personal fulfillment and happiness, quality trumps quantity!

Kids and their parents who place too much emphasis on fitting in and being well-liked are doing themselves a disservice. Wasting time and effort vying to be well-liked by the masses may be counterproductive in the long run.