What makes a serial adulterer




















In broad terms, psychopathy is considered a more severe form of sociopathy. All psychopaths are sociopaths, but not all sociopaths are psychopaths. That said, the traits shared by psychopaths and sociopaths are the traits that make both types more likely to cheat: a disregard for social mores and the rights and feelings of others, and a failure to feel remorse or guilt.

Psychopathy has a strong correlation to infidelity , with a very high likelihood that a psychopath or sociopath will engage with other sex partners outside the marital relationship. Psychopaths also tend to have a higher number of lifetime sex partners. They are better able to separate love from sexual activity, and they are more willing to engage in behaviors involved in an unfaithful relationship or lifestyle, like prolonged periods of lying.

In contrast, narcissism is hallmarked by grandiosity and conceit. The narcissist believes they are better-looking, smarter, fitter, and more worthy than their spouse, which leads them to believe they are entitled to cheat. And that they believe they are better-looking, smarter, fitter, and more worthy than their affair partner may lead them to believe they are entitled to use them exclusively for their own sexual pleasure. Sexual narcissism itself can be considered one specific type of narcissism.

Interestingly, though they may get up to the same unsavory social behaviors, sociopaths and narcissists are two very different fellows.

That handsome narcissist across the coffee bar is likely to be somewhat neurotic, with a deep underlying lack of confidence, stemming from an insecure attachment to the primary caregiver in early childhood. Under their confident exterior, they may secretly suffer from excessive worry, guilt, and anxiety. Meanwhile, the smooth-operating and deceitful sociopath two seats over is much more detached, resulting from an avoidant attachment to his primary caregiver, if they had one.

People with an avoidant attachment style have trouble getting close to, trusting, and relying on others. They actually seek out relationships that are more likely to be distant and less emotionally demanding.

Their early bonding experience likely involved a distracted or dismissive authoritarian parent who failed to satisfy their needs. As a result, they seek comfort from those who are less intimate and committed in their relationships.

And an extramarital relationship perfectly avoids the threat of intimacy in a sexual relationship, which explains the link between attachment avoidance and infidelity. Meanwhile, the narcissist may actually crave and long for the intimacy that was lacking in their early attachment to their parent, and they may very well be lacking in their current relationship with their partner.

Studies show that both the sociopath and the narcissist tend to have more lenient attitudes toward infidelity than does the typical Gallup responder. They tend to be more permissive about sex, have a greater desire to have casual sex, and are more willing to engage in sex without emotional commitment.

The marital relationships resulting from the early bonding patterns of sociopaths and narcissists tend to include poor problem-solving patterns, a lack of coping skills, little consistency, low mutual respect, and poor communication skills. In addition, satisfaction of time spent together, satisfaction with physical appearance, and social prestige are all lower in marriages containing either sociopaths or narcissists. Additionally, people married to partners who are emotionally unavailable or have difficulty enjoying intimacy may find that their emotional needs can be met in an extra-marital affair.

Typical behaviors of a narcissist can include attention-grabbing behavior on social media. So if you notice that your partner is very into themselves, that's a red flag to keep in mind. For serial cheaters, it's all about them and what they can gain from their affairs. One-time cheaters will care more about their partner's feelings and reactions.

Serial cheaters have a lot of experience getting others to trust them. They know how to use their charm in order to win people over pretty easily. As Tina B. Tessina, aka Dr. Romance, psychotherapist and author of Love Styles: How to Celebrate Your Differences , tells Bustle, if your partner says what you always want to hear, be careful.

No matter how uncomfortable the conversation will be, one-time cheaters will tell you the truth of what happened.

They'll even put in the effort to help your relationship overcome this rough spot. Serial cheaters may be quick to distract you, but "[t]ake it as a red flag," she says. But more importantly, they will do their best to prove to you that they're going to be faithful moving forward. When a serial cheater is caught, they will look for different ways to justify their behavior. According to Graber, "applying an armchair diagnosis," such as "a fear of commitment" or a "sex addiction" is an easy way for them to avoid taking responsibility for their actions.

Unless they legitimately have a problem they're seeking treatment for, this may not be true. One-time cheaters, if they're truly remorseful, will own up to their mistakes. As relationship expert and author April Masini tells Bustle, serial cheaters are used to cheating. Their infidelity will likely have made much more of an impact on them. So why do they do it? There are many reasons, Dr. Edelman explains. Serial cheaters don't all cheat for the same reason and Edelman believes it can stem from personality disorders, mood disorders, or past trauma like childhood issues of unworthiness.

It can be challenging to engage with intimacy in a healthy way if a person has other challenges within themselves that they have yet to unpack. She goes on to say, "They aren't all alike.

They might be narcissistic or sociopathic. They might have childhood issues where they feel unworthy of love and avoid intimacy. Maybe they have issues with sexual addiction. If you've been cheated, trust that you're not alone in this experience and, though this is hurtful, it doesn't reflect on your worth as a partner or person.



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